A Quick Fic

[qui_quae_quod]

A while back,

hilaritasetlux gave me a challenge to write if I got stuck on The Magic of Wands. Well, I got horribly stuck yesterday, so I decided to write her challenge.  It's short, not beta-read, and unpolished...so proceed with caution.

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He pushed the heavy door open with one hand and stepped into the dark classroom. Taking a deep breath, he closed the door behind him and began to walk forward, his footfalls slicing the still air like knives. With his wand, he lit the candles along the wall, their growing light feeble on the cold grey stone. Reaching the front of the room, he stopped and spun on heel to face the rows of empty desks.

“What am I doing here?” he whispered to the air. The candlelight fell like broken glass on his cheeks, shattered by the shadow of his hair.

He stepped back and turned toward the professor’s desk, his desk. He reached forward and traced his fingers along the rim of a dusty cauldron that sat there.

“I don’t belong here.”

He moved around the desk and sat in the old chair behind it. Leaning back, he put his feet up, and the wood seemed to groan at the burden. He tapped his wand against his thigh as he looked up to the ceiling, his hair falling back to expose a blemished ashen neck.

“I don’t expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes.”

His words fell dead on the damp air. He pulled his feet from the desk, one by one, and stood up from the chair. He began to pace at the front of the classroom, templing his hands and holding his gaze to the floor.

“The delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins.” His voice grew louder, and as though in response, the candles seemed to burn a bit brighter. He stopped and crossed his arms, looking out at his audience of childless desks.

“Bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses.” He walked to one of the desks and leaned on it, his palms pressed flat on the surface.

“I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory…” His voice trailed off and he pushed himself from the desk, turning his back to the room. “Even stopper death.”

He raised a hand and raked it through his hair, stopping when the heel of his palm rested on his forehead.

“But I expect you will be a bunch of dunderheads that I won’t be able to teach.”


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Here was the (slightly modified) challenge:

 

Write a one-shot describing a canon-character, recognizable Snape, without using the following words:

sneer, smirk, snarl, snap, hiss, git, greasy, grind, glare, growl, obsidian, onyx, silky, sulk/y, bat, billow, black, nose, pallid, pale, hooked, thin, lank, potions, Snape, Severus 

Such a great challenge and writing exercise! Thank you H!  You're the best.  

I wanted to write something that could be interpreted as being about a young Snape facing his first year of teaching, or a surviving, post-DH Snape returning to Hogwarts to teach again.


Now...if only I could get this chapter of MoW completed!!!  GAH!!!!

Comments

[sc010f.livejournal.com]

Ah very nice!

*offers muse-treats for MoW*

[qui-quae-quod.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :) I just fed her ice cream. It hasn't helped. I'm thinking the wine is next...

[sc010f.livejournal.com]

Wine's always a good muse-treat. *g*

[hilaritasetlux.livejournal.com]

Squeeee!!!

I just read it again and I still love it.

=)

[qui-quae-quod.livejournal.com]

I'm so flattered that you love it! It never would've been written without your challenge!

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

I like this a lot - it's a very vivid and lonely snapshot. I would like to know what came before, and what is going to succeed this scene. And isn't that an indication of how, in a very few sentences, you've managed to draw this reader in?

Just two things I wasn't comfortable with - "porcelain" seemed a very over-romanticised and also feminine word for Snape; also, I find the colours of the page make the entry very hard to read indeed.

[qui-quae-quod.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

I see what you mean about 'porcelain' and I'll look into changing my page so that it's easier to look at.

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

Thanks for not taking it the wrong way. Sometimes I just can't get tone of voice right in comments!

I love your icon, btw.

[qui-quae-quod.livejournal.com]

It was great feedback and is much appreciated. How else will I improve? :) Your tone was fine, but I know what you mean...I feel the same way sometimes.